Typically, I avoid making New Year's resolutions. They're often negative, they don't stick, and they're usually about exercise and weight loss. But this year I've been telling people that my half-hearted resolution is to start saying "no."
What I really mean by that is that I need to practice better self-care.
I overextended myself by saying "yes" to too many things at the end of 2014. I have a hard time with no, for a variety of reasons. Guilt. People-pleasing. Wanting to be nice. Someone told me once that I have too many friends, and I scoffed because I don't believe it's possible. You can never have too many good people in your life. What I do believe is that it's hard to manage and juggle all the relationships and needs in an effective way.
November and December were pretty packed with a variety of social engagements. Holiday parties, both personal and professional. Keeping up with the work out schedule. Sometimes trying to fit in two or three things in one evening, after a day of work, and not getting home until way past my bedtime. I spent very little time in my apartment, and even less time in front of a computer.
When you say yes to one thing, you by default say no to another. As I said yes to volunteer events, committees, parties, lunch and dinner dates, chats with friends, holiday shopping, shows, and everything in between, I was saying no to sleep, to healthy and planned eating, and to daily life maintenance. I said no to self-care, in the physical and emotional senses. With no time to recharge, when I got sick it knocked me on my arse for a solid four days. I lost even more time, because I had stretched myself too thin and couldn't fight off the cold.
I also said no to blogging, to accommodate some of the real-life stuff I had been doing.
Once you lose momentum, it's hard to get it back. Skipping a few weeks here and there, always intending to catch up, but you never do. It happened with food and eating habits. It happened with spending. And it happened with blogging.
What I found was that, despite saying yes for all the right reasons, wanting and needing to spend time with special people in my life, I wasn't at my best. Committing to two parties in one night meant that I wasn't fully present at either and friends probably felt it. It meant that I didn't have the emotional energy for conversations and support when it was needed. It meant that I didn't enjoy myself as much as I could or should have.
So. I resolve to say no to things when it means that I need a down night, or time to myself to recharge, because in the end it makes me a better friend and a better person. I resolve to say no to things if it means I'm putting some of my needs first.
I resolve to remind myself that when I say "no" to others, I am saying "yes" to myself.
And that's perfectly fine. Because I think we all win, in the end, when we are our best selves.
What I really mean by that is that I need to practice better self-care.
I overextended myself by saying "yes" to too many things at the end of 2014. I have a hard time with no, for a variety of reasons. Guilt. People-pleasing. Wanting to be nice. Someone told me once that I have too many friends, and I scoffed because I don't believe it's possible. You can never have too many good people in your life. What I do believe is that it's hard to manage and juggle all the relationships and needs in an effective way.
November and December were pretty packed with a variety of social engagements. Holiday parties, both personal and professional. Keeping up with the work out schedule. Sometimes trying to fit in two or three things in one evening, after a day of work, and not getting home until way past my bedtime. I spent very little time in my apartment, and even less time in front of a computer.
When you say yes to one thing, you by default say no to another. As I said yes to volunteer events, committees, parties, lunch and dinner dates, chats with friends, holiday shopping, shows, and everything in between, I was saying no to sleep, to healthy and planned eating, and to daily life maintenance. I said no to self-care, in the physical and emotional senses. With no time to recharge, when I got sick it knocked me on my arse for a solid four days. I lost even more time, because I had stretched myself too thin and couldn't fight off the cold.
I also said no to blogging, to accommodate some of the real-life stuff I had been doing.
Once you lose momentum, it's hard to get it back. Skipping a few weeks here and there, always intending to catch up, but you never do. It happened with food and eating habits. It happened with spending. And it happened with blogging.
What I found was that, despite saying yes for all the right reasons, wanting and needing to spend time with special people in my life, I wasn't at my best. Committing to two parties in one night meant that I wasn't fully present at either and friends probably felt it. It meant that I didn't have the emotional energy for conversations and support when it was needed. It meant that I didn't enjoy myself as much as I could or should have.
So. I resolve to say no to things when it means that I need a down night, or time to myself to recharge, because in the end it makes me a better friend and a better person. I resolve to say no to things if it means I'm putting some of my needs first.
I resolve to remind myself that when I say "no" to others, I am saying "yes" to myself.
And that's perfectly fine. Because I think we all win, in the end, when we are our best selves.
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