It's been awhile since I've spent a Sunday in the gym, "working out." Sometimes I'll go for the lane swim. I've tried the morning yoga class. But, more often, Sunday is the day that I do things with friends and it's very often active. Especially in the summer.

This weekend I tried kayaking. It had been planned for some time, but with the cold, rainy weather we've had lately, I didn't think it would happen. As it turns out, it was a great day to be outside, on a little lake, enjoying nature and one of the last days of summer weather. It couldn't have been more perfect.

It hasn't been deliberate, equating Sundays with trying new active things, or getting together with friends in fit and healthy ways. It's usually because it's the one day of the week that people have off work and are able to make plans.

But I got thinking about the spiritual side of exercise. Finding Fitness. Is it a little like finding religion? I mean, what do people get out of spirituality? They get a direction for their life, a purpose. They get strength. Sometimes they get a social group out of it, because you're with like-minded people. Most often, they get peace, a way to find an inner calm in a society of chaos.

"Working out" doesn't always do that for me. However, physical activity DOES. It's why I think it's really important to find something that you enjoy. The working out in the gym allows me to do these fun, adventurous things with people in my leisure time. On occasion, the gym IS the social aspect, or what I accomplish doing something hard or something new or something fun in a workout IS the peace or confidence I'm seeking.

And the physical strength that I build in the gym translates pretty directly to an increase in overall strength: emotionally, mentally, and - yes - spiritually. In a recent article about female bodybuilders, Dani Shugart wrote why women train, even when they're not entering competitions: "We train for mental clarity. We train because the goal of fat loss is soul-sucking, cliché, and mostly unenjoyable. We train because we'd rather look like Wonder Woman than Barbie. We train to be the type of woman nobody wants to mess with. We train to build grit. We train for habitual excellence. We train for ourselves."

I guess it really all works together. The pursuit of fitness is the purpose and direction I'm trying to base my life around, and I get a lot of the same benefits out of it that many people do by pursuing religion. It supports and enhances all other aspects of my life.

Why this never occurred to me before, I don't know. I only made the connection yesterday when, in a conversation with Mat about having to decide how much I have time to do and what I can afford to pursue, he reminded me (again), that I am not doing this for him. I don't exercise for anyone else, I do it for myself. "You find what works physically, financially, spiritually, etc." he told me.

Spiritually.
That word jumped out at me. Seemed a bit odd and out of place, but the more I think about it, the more sense it makes.

Fitness is becoming my new religion. And I can worship anywhere.

Actual conversation with a co-worker yesterday:
<I walk in on the middle of a conversation about push-ups>
Her: "I can't do a push-up."
Me: <butting in> "Can't? Or won't try?"
Her: "No, I can't. Women can't do push-ups."
Me: "You're kidding, right?"
Her: "No. I hate them."
Me: "Okay, but that doesn't mean women can't DO them."
Her: "There are studies! It's unnatural for females. We have a different centre of gravity. It's physics."
Me: <deep breath, using all the restraint I have> "So, you've never seen a woman do a push-up?"
Her: "Well, apparently Michelle Obama and Ellen deGeneres can do them, but that's because they're shaped like men."
Me: "Explain." <not letting her off the hook>
Her: "If you have any kind of butt that sticks out, or boobs, if you're shaped like a woman, then it's too hard. Physics."
Me: "I'm pretty sure it's about the strength in your chest and arm muscles, and having a strong core."
Her: "I don't think they're that good for you, anyway."
Em: <chimes in> "Are you kidding? They work your arms, your chest, your legs, your back. They're awesome!"
<She's right; they're one of the best bodyweight exercises you can do. Especially when you do them right.>
Her: "Well, if women can do them, then why do they even HAVE women's push-ups? You're supposed to do them from your knees."
[No. No, you're not. It's a regression, an adaptation, and not a very effective one. You start from your knees so that you can build up to other variations, whether you're a guy or a girl.]
Me: <facepalm>
Her: "Okay, but wouldn't you agree that they're easier for men to do?"
Me: "How am I supposed to measure that? It probably depends on the man."

I look around. It's a Saturday. Not many people are in our office area. I look to the co-worker with whom the conversation started, who's been listening, who happens to do kickboxing. She also happens to be wearing a dress, and I'm in a frilly blouse. My mind weighs the pros and cons. I raise my eyebrows. "Emily? You wanna join me?"

Tell me again that women can only do push-ups from our knees. Puh-leeze.

I've read about some of these arguments before. And perhaps she's right that it's harder for women to condition themselves to be able to do full-on pushups, especially right away. They require upper body strength, and men often have more muscle and strength in the chest. (20% more, not gazillions). Push-ups also require a stronger core for women, to compensate for the extra weight in the lower body (that butt argument she was trying to make). I just can't quite believe that the conversation happened. That, in this day and age, anyone would seriously try to argue that women - an entire gender - can't do something when there's proof everywhere that with practice, we absolutely can.

I called her on what she was really saying. I said, "I can accept that you don't like them, that you don't want to do them, and even that you will never, ever try one again. But don't throw all women under that bus. Just admit that it's your CHOICE, not your ability." Now, when she says "I can't do a pushup" she quickly amends it to "Well, I don't want to."

Still. She must have got the idea from somewhere. This is a smart lady. Well read. And yet she vehemently argued that women were not able to do full pushups. Why?

Because she needed the excuse. Even by the end, she admitted that she just hates pushups, and feels weak for not being able to do one. It's a lot easier to blame science than to say "I can't do it." Guess what? I used to not be able to do them, either. It wasn't because I was a girl. It probably wasn't even because I was fat. It was because I didn't practice.

I gave myself a lot of excuses for not doing things at different sizes. Being a girl was never, ever one of them. In fact, had this conversation happened a hundred pounds ago, I would still have called her on it. I'd have got my feminist back up against the wall. I just would have had to look up videos for proof, and articles combating her flawed reasoning, instead of being able to show her myself. The thing is, there's a danger in perpetuating these gender-based lies, even if it makes you feel better about yourself.

The push-up looks impressive, and is often tied to pride and ego. That can make it easy to dismiss as an exercise. Granted, as a measurement tool for overall fitness, it can't stand alone (and it often does, in fitness tests for military or police training). If the push-up is being used as a party trick to show off, then sure - dismiss it. It's so much more than that, though. The functional fitness that comes from building the strength to do push-ups applies to women, just as much as men. Having a strong core? Not just about sexy abs. When your core is strong, daily movements are easier, and you reduce your risk of injury. That's kind of a big deal for women. You can carry that heavy load of laundry, lift a kid over a snow bank, shovel your driveway, carry boxes up and down stairs, and bring all your groceries in from the car in just one trip. Strength training helps reduce the risk of osteoporosis, which affects women at a much higher rate than men. And for the aging population, when balance and falling become a tad more common, the ability to catch yourself and break a fall with your arms and wrists can not be over stated. Practicing push-ups is preventative medicine.

Tell me again why push-ups aren't useful for women?

It comes down to gender stereotypes, which is why I'm more worked up about this than if it were simply an argument about which form of exercise is more enjoyable or what burns more calories.

It comes back to the idea that women's fitness focus should be on weight loss, on getting skinny, because that's the feminine ideal. Be thin, not strong. It's an insidious message that carries with it decades of misogyny: women are weak, women need to be pleasing to look at, women should subjugate themselves to men. If the push-up is about strength and power, and you believe that women can't do push-ups, what are you really saying?

Hearing a smart woman who's interested in health say "women can't do push-ups" and mean it, even a little, was not a personal physical challenge to me. It was an affront to my gender identity.

It's not a good idea to tell me I can't do something.
It's really, really, really not a good idea to tell me I can't do it because I'm a woman.
Lesson learned.

I am stealing this directly from Nerd Fitness, because it's that good! (And because they know what they're talking about, and I'm still figuring it out. Still, they are reliable as a source. And they're even wordier than I am. Nerd solidarity! Reading's awesome). For me, I wanted the personal trainer - y'know, someone who's actually trained - to teach me these things, to watch my form, and to decide how much weight I should lift, when he plans my program. But if you don't have that kind of money and think you can do it on your own, then at least pay attention to these tips because they emphasize doing it safely! Click here for their full article with pictures!

How much do you think Hefty Smurf is lifting here? How much weight did he warm up with? How does he know when to start lifting heavier? When many Nerd Fitness Rebels first get into weight lifting, the process of figuring out what weight to start with can be daunting and even cause some to not bother starting at all.

We often hear questions like:

• What weight should I start with? How much should I be lifting?
• If my program wants me to be doing 5 sets of 5 at 80% of my 1 rep max, how do I figure out my 1 rep max?
• And what if it doesn't give any percentages at all? How do I know what weights I should be doing?

Today we're going to take a look at how exactly to get started with your program and make sure you have picked the right amount of weight.

Bodyweight First
Let's back up a second. Before ever trying to figure out how much weight you can lift, make sure you know how to do the movement, as flawless as possible, without any weight at all.

Why? Because if you can't do a movement correctly without weight, how can you expect to do it right WITH weight? Think about it - if you can't walk up a flight of stairs normally, would you expect to be able to walk up the flight of stairs carrying bags of groceries? No - you would only hurt yourself.

So our first step is to learn each movement without any bars, dumbbells, or added weight.

"But!" you say, "how on earth do I do a deadlift or a press without any weight? And I know I can do a bodyweight squat, but isn't it completely different with a bar on your back?"

Easy - grab either a broomstick (be careful for splinters!), mop handle, or PVC pipe (I use a 1.25" PVC cut in half) and pretend it's a bar.

If you're trying to mimic a dumbbell movement, either grab a short dowel, PVC, or just hold your hands in a fist as if you were holding on to something. While it's not the exact same as holding actual weight, it will allow you to practice getting into the correct positions. One great reason to start here is that you can do it in your own home, without other people around you (so you'll be less nervous). Also, you can video tape yourself pretty easily (I use my computer's web cam, or a phone camera and a little tripod).

If you are interesting in nerding out about learning perfect form for each movement, we HIGHLY recommend you pick up Starting Strength, widely considered to be the Bible of Barbell Training.

Once you feel good about your form, you can see if you can "pass the bar." (guaranteed to be the nicest lawyer joke you'll ever read on Nerd Fitness, by the way)
Once you're comfortable with each movement with a broomstick or PVC, then you can move to the bar.

Your first workout shouldn't go any heavier than "just" the bar, which means the bar without any added weight. As we know from strength training equipment, a standard barbell weighs 45 lbs (20.4 kg). Now, don't be discouraged if this seems really heavy - especially on upper body movements. When I started out, I could not bench press or overhead press an empty barbell.

If the bar seems too heavy to start, you have a few options:

1. Look to see if the gym has a lighter barbell - some have a "women's bar" or a "training bar" that usually weigh 30-35 lbs and 15 lbs, respectively. These are usually shorter, but that's okay (just make sure it's a straight bar. The ez curl bar is not a good alternative).
2. Start out with dumbbells - while the movement is not the exact same, it allows you to build up the strength to be able to correctly handle the bar.
3. Focus on bodyweight training (pushups, pullups, lunges, squats) until you build the strength to handle the bar.

Now, on opposite ends of the spectrum, if the bar seems really light, I would STILL encourage you to complete your first workout with just the bar. Focus on getting each rep correct, and worry about adding weight next time. Check your ego at the door; I would rather see somebody in the gym lifting the bar with proper form than watch somebody with awful form lift 400 lbs. I honestly cringe when I see that happen, which is far too often.

Note: If you finish your first workout with the bar and still aren't comfortable with the movements, it's never a bad thing to do your next workout with just the bar again. If you're not comfortable with the movement and you start adding weight, not only will you be more likely to injure yourself because your body isn't ready, but you'll be more likely to hurt yourself because you won't be confident under the bar. Confidence is something that is very important as you start lifting heavier and heavier.

If you're planning on using dumbbells as your main lift (and not a barbell), I'd start out with the 5-10 lb dumbbells to get a feel for things.

If you're looking to start on a beginner program, such as the workouts in The Nerd Fitness Academy or Starting Strength, the first step is to look at the instructed number of reps in each set. A few common rep ranges for beginner programs are 5 sets of 5, 3 sets of 8, or 3 sets of 10. For this example, lets say your program has you doing 5 sets of 5 on a particular lift.

• After a proper warm up routine, start with the empty bar again, and complete the prescribed number of reps (for this, it would be 5).

"But I thought you said we could add weight this time?" you might be thinking.

You can - but no matter how heavy you are going, always start with just the bar to warm up for EACH exercise. If you watch the best lifters in your gym, you will notice they all warm up with "just the bar" to start, often for multiple sets! This helps get your body warm, primes your nervous systems and all of your muscles for that movement, and gets you ready to lift heavier weight.

As a beginner, this is especially important to ingrain proper technique.

• Next, add some weight to the bar. Depending on how heavy the bar felt, start by adding anywhere from 2.5lbs to 10lbs to each side. Do another set of 5 reps at this weight.

(Note: If you're doing dumbbell training, instead of adding weight to the bar, increase the weight of the dumbbell. Start with 5lb dumbbells, then 10lbs dummbells, for example)

• If you were able to complete those reps both without losing form and without the speed of the bar slowing, add more weight to the bar. Base the amount of new weight off how it felt - if the last set felt really light, add 10's, if it felt heavy, add 2.5"s or 5's.

• Continue to do this until your form starts to break down or the speed of the lift gets slower on any of your reps. The weight you used right before your form started to break down is your starting weight on which you will base all future workouts!

If it is a lower number than you expect, that would be the right number! Don't try to be a hero your first workout, it is better to start out too light than too heavy. Remember - we're trying to get solid, productive sets in, not find our max, so we want all of the reps to be fast and with as perfect form as our body allows. And since during this process you're testing out heavier weights for the first time, never be afraid to have a spotter, or to use pins to ensure your safety!

Once you find your starting weight, you'll want to start using something called "progressive overload." This sounds a lot fancier than it really is.

Simply put, progressive overload means gradually increasing the stress put on your body during training.

In other words, we need to increase something, regularly. Usually this means the amount of weight we lift. And for beginners, that can often happen in every workout. After every workout our body heals, and if you're getting proper sleep and nutrition, it heals back stronger than it was before.

If you do 5 sets of 5 at 100 lbs every single workout for months, are you getting stronger? Most likely not - your body is becoming more efficient at lifting 5×5 at 100 lbs, burning less calories and using less processes to make that movement happen.

So, how much weight do you add when you're ready to increase your workouts?

That depends on how difficult was the sets last time. This is where great note-taking comes in (I'm a huge fan of a simple notebook, or Evernote docs on my phone). Be sure to document not only how much you lifted and for how many reps, but also how your lifts went so next time you know what you need to be doing. Did you go to failure on your last set? Did your form break down on any of the reps?

If you failed to complete any of your reps or your form started to break down, it might not be a bad idea to do the same weight again, and focus boosting your form and technique of each rep.

Remember, if you are doing the same workout as last time, but each rep is more solid and with better form than before, you're still doing better than you were last workout - you're still leveling up. You don't necessarily have to go up in weight every workout to see gains. Less rest between sets, more control and better form, and more repetitions all mean you are getting stronger.

If you were able to get through all of your sets with great form, and without the bar slowing down, consider adding more. It's not unheard of for beginners to add 10-20lbs a week to some lifts (especially squats and deadlifts), though don't get discouraged if you're only adding 2.5 or 5!

The BEST THING YOU CAN DO is to slowly add weight and progress consistently rather than progress very quickly then hit a plateau. Each week, as you add a little bit of weight, you are building strength, confidence, and momentum.

(Note: For some lifts, especially the overhead press or bench press, adding just 5 lbs may be too much to go up per workout. I personally have a set of 1.25lb plates that I bring with me to the gym so that I can still progress regularly.)

If you started out too light (like we recommend!) you can easily add more weight each workout as your body gets used to the movements and as you get better at lifting.

Remember that there will be days when you can't add any weight. So many things affect how your lifts are going to feel - from a baby crying all night, to lots of stress at the office, to drinking too much at the big game. It's important to listen to your body over listening to some number telling you what you should be lifting.

To recap:

• The strongest lifters I know warm up with "just" the bar.
• The strongest lifters I know focus on getting their reps in, and aren't ashamed that they're lifting less than the guy next to them.
• The strongest lifters I know take time to get things right, even if that means lifting less weight than they know they "can" do.
• The strongest lifters I know started off doing a beginners program just like you.

So remember - start slow, add weight slowly, and stay conservative.

It's amazing how much even adding just 5 lbs (2kg) a week adds up to! It's far better to play it safe in the beginning than to find yourself injured and frustrated before you have a chance to progress.