There's a video that has been making the viral rounds this past week. It's the promo for a campaign in the UK to get women more active. Sponsored by Sport England, the video is remarkable for showing real women doing myriad activities, and is more inclusive than many typical fitness promotions. The intial message is to do what you love, there are plenty of options, and physical activity is for all ages, sizes, and abilities. Very positive, that.

The campaign was created because the statistics are dismal when it comes to body image affecting women's reluctance to get active. We worry too much about what others think. "Fear of judgement is stopping many of us from taking part in exercise." There are 2 million fewer active women than men in the UK, and 75% say they want to do more but cite "fear of judgement as why they keep out of sport and activity." I'm sure many of us can relate.

There are pros and cons to the campaign. First, the video:

Ultimately, the campaign is a really positive step in the right direction. It has caught the world's attention. It has expanded a very narrow view of health and fitness just a little bit further. And it has people talking. Where this campaign fell short, many others have not even come close. This Girl Can has raised the bar for how the media portrays and talks about fitness and sport, which has been a long time coming.

A study on the effectiveness of an ADHD drug on Binge Eating Disorder was published in the journal JAMA Psychiatry. Doctor Freedhoff explains the significance on his blog, Weighty Matters, in the post from January 15:

Yesterday a study was published in JAMA Psychiatry. In it researchers looks at the impact of 14 weeks of 3 different doses of lisdexamfetamine (Vyvance) on binge eating disorder and weight in 260 patients via a randomized, double-blind, parallel-group, forced dose titration, placebo-controlled trial. Eligibility for the study included meeting the DSM-IV criteria for binge eating disorder, having a BMI between 25 and 45, and being between the ages of 18 and 55. There were a boatload of exclusion criteria with perhaps the most important being having any other eating or psychiatric disorder, having had a history of substance abuse, or having been recently treated with a psychostimulant, or having had a recent psychological or weight management treatment history.

The study's primary endpoint was the number of self-scored binge eating days, and among the secondary endpoints was weight.

The results were striking, especially in those taking the highest dose who nearly stopped binging.

Weight loss was also not insignificant, again, especially with the higher dose, with those folks losing an average of nearly 10lbs over the 11 weeks (versus an average loss of 1/5th of a pound for those taking a placebo).

Unfortunately there were also side effects with dramatically more people in the highest dosing arm reporting dry mouth, and insomnia. All told 5% of the highest dosing arm dropped out due to adverse effects.

While far from conclusive, this study is promising. Binge eating disorder is a tremendously difficult condition to endure. Psychologically it can be devastating due to overwhelming feelings of guilt which in turn can lead to decreased self-esteem and decreased perceived self-efficacy. Right now treatment for binge eating disorder involves cognitive behavioural therapy, and indeed, there's fair success, but were there a safe medication that could be used as an adjunct to counselling, speaking personally, I'd be thrilled.

There's still lots of work to be done to prove long term efficacy, safety, and tolerability. Fingers crossed.


What I find the most heartening about the study is the fact that it was even done. So much money is invested in magic weight loss pills, where the focus is on how to burn fat or alter the body ... especially without having to change eating or exercise habits. Whether Vyvance is as effective as it appears to be, based on a preliminary and relatively small study, I like that they're (a) looking for drugs which help to alter behaviour, and (b) that B.E.D. is being taken more and more seriously as a legitmate psychological condition.

It's a small ray of hope, but it's still a ray.

I regular reader posted a question on the Facebook page related to this site: "keeping the blog going for 2015? I miss your posts!"

The short answer? Yes.

The longer answer? Yes, but...

There are a lot of little reasons that the posts have been absent for over a month. In practical terms, there are some technical frustrations that make it harder to post often, even if it's simply re-posting other people's articles. The platform I use to create and host the site, Weebly, is very user-friendly and simple. But they updated mid-Fall, and I now find that posts no longer automatically save as you go. Readers, I have written and lost more posts than you know! Changes and editing don't stick. If I write the post in Word, copying and pasting messes with formatting in a way that is painfully laborious to undo, but when I attempt to write the posts IN the blog, I lose a lot. On top of which, I use a very old, very slow laptop at home which overheats and shuts down more often than it should. So, the frustration levels associated with blogging have increased lately, and I don't often have time to post or edit from my work computer.

There's also the issue of content. When I started the blog, there was a real need in me to share my story and get it out there. Get it off my chest, so to speak. I was also getting many of the same kinds of questions, and was emailing the same answers, the same story, over and over. I wanted to have all the parts of my story - the practical, the emotional, the advice, the venting - in one place where I could direct people if they asked. I've done that, and I've written about the topics which were burning to get out, and which I most often get asked about. Now? Now, it's the trickier topics to untangle, and those are time-consuming to write about. Wading through research, or finding an angle from which I haven't already approached fitness, health, weight loss, weight gain, eating disorders or body image takes more creative imagination. 

When I first started this, I didn't have a plan but my goal was to keep up blogging for at least a year. I've read and followed too many similar blogs, which end up falling by the wayside. You know why? It's hard. It's time consuming. It's a full-time job for many writers, and I'm doing it in my spare time because I feel like it. Even blogs which have become big in the world of weight loss journeys, the ones which have a lot of content frequently posted and are supported by paid advertising or donations, they have a shelf life of 2-4 years. I barely made it through the first year. 

Time. 
Motivation.
Ideas.
Research.
Technology.

And then there's where I am, personally. Weight re-gain, and a fall off the wagon that makes it hard to keep writing and blogging and reading about topics which I associate more with shame and loathing than I did a year ago. As I mentioned in yesterday's post about the resolution to say "no" to more things, and "yes" to myself (with a re-focus on weight loss), I haven't been taking very good care of myself. I haven't been making the time to do the work of reflecting and learning and addressing reasons behind the Binge Eating, and I haven't been making the time to prepare good foods, or to write down and track my nutrition. I *have* been making plenty of time to enjoy beer and wine and friends, and it's caught up with me. 

For all of those reasons, the answer is, "yes, I will still keep blogging, BUT..." It may not be as frequent as when I started. There may be more "hey look at this article, it seems interesting" links or re-posts. And when it seems to become too much, then I'll stop and go on to the next project. 


After all, it's a small blog with a small following, and most of you know me in real life. 


However, I am extremely grateful for those of you who do check in regularly to see what's new, who ask me about the blog, and who express some lovely compliments about it. That has been one of the most gratifying outcomes of this little project. Here's hoping I can squeeze out at least another year's worth of content!

Typically, I avoid making New Year's resolutions. They're often negative, they don't stick, and they're usually about exercise and weight loss. But this year I've been telling people that my half-hearted resolution is to start saying "no."

What I really mean by that is that I need to practice better self-care. 

I overextended myself by saying "yes" to too many things at the end of 2014. I have a hard time with no, for a variety of reasons. Guilt. People-pleasing. Wanting to be nice. Someone told me once that I have too many friends, and I scoffed because I don't believe it's possible. You can never have too many good people in your life. What I do believe is that it's hard to manage and juggle all the relationships and needs in an effective way. 

November and December were pretty packed with a variety of social engagements. Holiday parties, both personal and professional. Keeping up with the work out schedule. Sometimes trying to fit in two or three things in one evening, after a day of work, and not getting home until way past my bedtime. I spent very little time in my apartment, and even less time in front of a computer. 

When you say yes to one thing, you by default say no to another. As I said yes to volunteer events, committees, parties, lunch and dinner dates, chats with friends, holiday shopping, shows, and everything in between, I was saying no to sleep, to healthy and planned eating, and to daily life maintenance. I said no to self-care, in the physical and emotional senses. With no time to recharge, when I got sick it knocked me on my arse for a solid four days. I lost even more time, because I had stretched myself too thin and couldn't fight off the cold. 

I also said no to blogging, to accommodate some of the real-life stuff I had been doing. 

Once you lose momentum, it's hard to get it back. Skipping a few weeks here and there, always intending to catch up, but you never do. It happened with food and eating habits. It happened with spending. And it happened with blogging. 

What I found was that, despite saying yes for all the right reasons, wanting and needing to spend time with special people in my life, I wasn't at my best. Committing to two parties in one night meant that I wasn't fully present at either and friends probably felt it. It meant that I didn't have the emotional energy for conversations and support when it was needed. It meant that I didn't enjoy myself as much as I could or should have.

So. I resolve to say no to things when it means that I need a down night, or time to myself to recharge, because in the end it makes me a better friend and a better person. I resolve to say no to things if it means I'm putting some of my needs first. 

I resolve to remind myself that when I say "no" to others, I am saying "yes" to myself. 
And that's perfectly fine. Because I think we all win, in the end, when we are our best selves.

The times, they are a changin.' Today was my last personal training session with Mat at the YMCA. 

He's moving on to a new adventure, taking that big risky step towards a dream, and will be independently coaching clients from his friend's new studio. It's strange: even though I will follow him to M.A.T. Fitness, (Motivation Activation Transformation) and continue training with him at Infinity, it still feels a little bit like an ending. Today we worked out at the Y. On Monday it will be at the studio. Big change. Or, at the least, things will never be quite the same again. 

Really, the changes that are happening around me are not happening TO me. The impact for me is minimal, compared to what Mat's other clients may feel, and what his Y friends and co-workers will experience. I am not losing a coach, or a friend. Training at the studio is going to be great in a lot of ways. Fewer people around means feeling less self conscious. Not competing with all the other members will mean having access to the equipment he plans for me to use, when he wants to use it. When I crack an inappropriate joke we can laugh our butts off without worrying who might be in earshot. I'm not giving up my YMCA membership, so I'll still go to classes, use the pool, and have the social connections that come with being part of a community. It's only the personal training location that is changing, and yet it's still pretty different from what we've been doing for the past two years.

We will all be readjusting in the next few weeks and months.

Change is not purely a good or bad thing, but any change can be hard. Unsettling. Mildly uncomfortable. I need the shake-up, and am ready for it. Mat has definitely been energized by it. Change is something we all need, every now and then. It's why vacations are important, to get away and have a change of scenery. It's why people move, or redecorate their homes. Whether it's a workout routine, the place you live, your job duties, or your workout - we all need some kind of shake-up in our lives at some point or we stagnate. I'm hoping that the new routine will be rejuvenating enough to kickstart my waning motivation. Still, all the change happening around me is making me a tad wistful and nostalgic. Because you can't move on to a new scene without stopping to look back and appreciate what you're saying goodbye to.

When I look back on the last two years at the Y, Mat is always in the picture. Despite having taken his class a few times, my first interaction with him was after having witnessed him break up a fight between two members, which happened right outside the spin studio window. I was impressed enough with how he handled that to tell him so. And then he ran Biggest Loser, and I got to see how he was with clients. He introduced me to strength training and the word "bad ass" entered my vocabulary. I think of all the people I met through both Biggest Loser challenges, through two summers of Outdoor Fitness Challenge, and as his assistant in Fitness Academy. I think about how much I have changed as a person, grown in ways beyond the physical strength and balance that I thought I was paying him for. I know that he touched and changed all of their lives, too. I see the members who never had him as a personal trainer but who connected with him as he wandered the floor of the conditioning centre and weight room, members who started to talk to me because I was his client and they watched what he made me do. 

They have been changed, because they knew him. 

There's a song from the musical Wicked, which makes me think of Mat every time I hear it. I have had many positive influences in my life, and this song could apply to several people, but it captures that unique relationship between coach and client so perfectly that I've tucked it away in my back pocket for that day when I finally quit personal training. The thing is, I don't know when that day will come. And now that I've worked with Mat for so long, it's impossible to conceive that "it may be that we will never meet again" even when it does. So, with this transition, it seemed like the right time to pull out the song and say thank you. On behalf of all the people whose lives he's touched, I think I can safely say "because I knew you, I have been changed for good."

Ever wondered just how far people will go in the quest for health? Last week, a friend semi-sheepishly announced that she had begun eating dirt. <pause for dramatic effect> Naturally, she was met with skepticism and questioning from the group. It turns out that she’s trying Diatomaceous Earth, taking a little bit every day – not too much! – and consuming a ton of water to help it down. I wasn’t clear on all the health benefits of it, though the more she explained what it was, the more I poked fun at her. Hard as diamonds? Used as an insecticide? It’s an abrasive filter? For gardening? “What, you’re taking Miracle Grow? Um, are any of your other friends concerned about this?”

Naturally, this was something I wanted to investigate further. Is it REALLY a miracle way to clean out your gut?

The health claims:

• Lowers bad cholesterol and blood pressure
  
• High in silica “which is crucial for the production of collagen which improves skin tone and the health of your joints and tendons – not to mention gorgeous hair and nails!”
  
• Detoxes your system to flush out viral, fungal and bacterial pathogens, heavy metals, yeast (Candida) and pesticide residues 
  
• Natural weight loss product
  
• Fights Osteoporosis, improving people’s arthritis and joint pain.
  
• Slows/repairs tissue degeneration
  
• Promotes World Peace (okay, not really; that smart-ass one's mine)

“FGDE is reported on many organic food Internet sites to regulate peristalsis (bowel movements), alleviate constipation, prevent diarrhea, thwart arthritis and purge the body of heavy metals. Although the material is generally nontoxic to humans, no scientific studies have been performed to conclusively support its safety or benefits.”

Its more common uses:

• Filters and filtration systems 
  
• Insecticides and pesticides 
  
• Toothpaste 
  
• Skin care products that exfoliate 
  

It is worth noting that Wikipedia, which tends to have way too much information on every subject, does NOT include human ingestion or health benefits in its long entry about the myriad uses for Diatomaceous Earth.

How does it work?
It’s an abrasive, used in toothpaste and skin exfoliation. If that’s what it is doing to your outsides, what is it doing to your insides when ingested? The same thing, actually. And that’s meant to be a good thing. “Diatomaceous earth acts as a mild abrasive topically as well as internally. It can help to remove intestinal invaders and other harmful organisms from the digestive tract. As an internal cleanser, diatomaceous earth may aid cleansing by supporting regularity and assist in removing toxic metals. Some studies have shown diatomaceous earth to be very successful in ridding animals of harmful organisms. Food-grade diatomaceous earth placed in the feed of livestock may help discourage fleas and other harmful bugs.”

Putting my research-ninja skills to work:
I checked the library’s databases. First, through our Health and Wellness related ones, and then our Science ones. Nothing in Consumer Health Complete (Ebsco). Most of what was found through Gale’s Health and Wellness database pertained to its use as a pesticide, or the effects on animals. On to the Internet and Google, then.

In searching for information on the benefits of taking DE, the evidence was overwhelmingly anecdotal and hard to find anything particularly clear. The main sources of information were from sites that sell the product. Specifically, Diatomaceous.org and Earthworks Health, both of which seem to ONLY sell Diatomaceous Earth. Larry Smith, president of Earthworks Health, seems to comment on each of the blogs or forums I found (again, which only include anecdotal evidence; no medical or scientific studies or proof). He's a one-man snake-oil salesman. Er, I mean, promotional machine.

I am always skeptical of taking information at face value when it’s from a source that stands to profit from it. But when that source seems to contradict itself? Huge red flag. On the Earthworks Health site, they claim that it helps with tissue degeneration, which “accelerates due to aging when connective tissue develops an increasing inability to retain moisture when left unassisted. Silica can help slow the degenerative process of connective tissue.” Except that by most accounts, even the anecdotal ones, a negative side effect of DE is dryness.  You have to hydrate, because drying you out is how it works. It’s also how it acts as an insecticide – it dries out the bugs’ exoskeleton.  

A second big red flag is the number of health claims that are covered. I mean, it detoxes and cleanses your insides, it exfoliates your outsides, and it does everything from prevent cancer to keeping your garden bug-free. That's ... excessive. Over the top. Hard too swallow.

The only documented medical benefit seems to be that it has the effect of lowering bad cholesterol. There is no evidence for the other claims. “In an April 1998 article published in the "European Journal of Medical Research," Austrian researchers studied DE's cholesterol lowering effects in humans having raised blood cholesterol levels. This study found that DE did have a beneficial effect in lowering bad cholesterol (low density lipoproteins and triglycerides) and increasing the good cholesterol (high density lipoprotein) after two months. However, this is the only study found in the medical literature at PubMed.gov describing the beneficial effects of DE in humans.”

There IS evidence that it can be harmful if inhaled. The filter (non-food) grade stuff requires the use of masks, and the food-grade earth is only considered “nuisance dust” if inhaled. That’s according to the World Health Organization, and Larry Smith. Still, something that can cause bronchial harm if inhaled makes me seriously question using it to detox the body or lower levels of candida or help prevent fleas in humans.

Beyond inhaling the filter-grade crystalized variation, there seems to be little evidence that it is harmful to humans or animals, so it has that going for it. Diatomaceous earth seems to be used as an inert additive, mostly in animal food. Testing that has been done has been to demonstrate that it does no harm, it has no adverse effect, when ingested. It’s used to keep food from clumping and clotting, frankly. That’s quite a far cry from having nutritional or health benefits. I can see how something that fills you up because it prevents absorption might lead to temporary weight loss. But, y’know, people soak cotton balls in orange juice and eat them for the same reason. <shudder>

It is also being researched as a way to administer drugs that actually HAVE an effect. You know those timed-release pills you can buy? They’re often made from synthetic silica based materials, and diatomaceous earth is a natural silica substance. But it is not being studied for its nutritional value. It’s the lack of absorption and its insolubility that make it an ideal drug delivery system. (Powder Technology.  June 2012 v223) Which is great for drug companies, but how effective is it for all the other health claims?

And what about the claim that it’s a health product because it is a source of silica? Silica is very common in nature and makes up 26% of the earth's crust by weight. Various forms of silica include sand, emerald, quartz, feldspar, mica, clay, asbestos, and glass. That’s from the National Pesticide Information Center. Now, granted, I’m not a science-y kind of person. I don’t have the background to understand the complexities of this. I find myself wondering "How important is silica, to the body and to health?" It seems that soil nutrient depletion from over-farming and modern farming methods have reduced the amount of silica in the soil, meaning that there’s less silica in plants and foods than there used to be. How significant is that, though? Silica is a biological compound that is found in most vital organs in the body, but are we seriously running so low on it that we have to eat it by the spoonful? Would the absorption of it, when ingested that way, even work the same? (This, to me, is the same kind of question as taking Vitamin D pills, when we typically get Vitamin D from exposure to the sun; the jury is still out on the efficacy of taking pill format). In checking what the Food and Drug Administration had to say about it, it would seem that the jury is out:
Silicon dioxide and various silicates occur abundantly in the earth's crust, are present in practically all natural waters, animals, and plants, and are part of the normal human diet. The question of whether or not silicon is an essential human nutrient remains unresolved. Silicon compounds consumed as added food ingredients contribute only a minor proportion of the total dietary silicon intake. The estimated possible human intake of sodium aluminosilicate, the predominant silicate added to foods in this country, is approximately 0.3mg per kg body weight per day. Silicon compounds that are GRAS for use as direct food ingredient, except potassium and sodium silicates, are insoluble or very slightly soluble in water and appear to be biologically inert.

The FDA is mainly concerned with the level of toxicity. They are satisfied that it’s safe enough for use in materials that come into contact with food, but they’re not exactly considering it for intended ingestion!

• There is no evidence in the available information on diatomaceous earth, silicon dioxides, sodium silicate, and talc that demonstrates or suggests reasonable grounds to suspect a hazard to the public when they are used as ingredients of paper and paperboard products used in food packaging in accordance with current practice.
  
• There is no evidence in the available information on diatomaceous earth and perlite that demonstrates or suggests reasonable ground to suspect a hazard to the public when they are used as filteraids in food processing at levels that are now current or that might reasonably be expected in the future.
  

So, that gives you an indication of the kinds of things DE is being used for.

I really don’t know about the value of this product. On sites that are not specifically selling and marketing it to humans, discussion of food-grade DE does not differentiate between humans and animals. Just because something is non-toxic or apparently not harmful for ingestion, doesn’t make it a good idea. 

And the claims seem so outrageous that it makes me wonder why or how anyone would want to try it unless they were at the very end of their rope. Which, frankly, many of the anecdotal sites indicate that people are. Desperate. Yet, miracle cures are often placebos. With so many other healthy alternatives – including eating whole foods and clean eating, as a way to more slowly detox your system – this is one fad that I can easily pass up.

Of course, now that I know that it won’t actually kill her, I’ll probably also continue to poke fun at my friend if she continues to eat diamond-dirt to clean out her innards.

Clearly, it’s been awhile since I’ve paid attention to the blog. Life finally slowed down after a chaotic summer and early fall, and as with many things, once you lose momentum it’s hard to pick it up and keep going again. I’ve lost some motivation, and while I can’t put my finger on one specific thing as the cause, I think it’s simply that it gets tiring making good choices day after day. I’ve changed a lot of habits, but not all; I’ve changed some patterns of thinking, but not all. And so I slip, one bite or sip at a time. The eating starts to get less healthy. As the pounds go back on, I feel bad about myself, and the desire to be exercising in public wanes. The days are getting shorter, the air is getting colder, and it all culminates in a loss of momentum and motivation. Even with the blog, the time and energy to sit and write is being eaten up by an overriding desire to sleep or read or rest. And most of the topics in the queue all require research. Research takes more time. Some of the writing I’ve been doing is actually journaling, personal and too private to share on the blog. That’s because it’s homework that Mat’s given me to try and kickstart the motivation. Sometimes the question being asked is way more important than the answers. So, as I work privately on writing my homework, I can at least share the assignment!

I want you to think about the why's of exercise and what it really means to you when you set goals. I want you to find ‘the will of fire’ (it’s what I like to call it). I want you to think back to that feeling when you have accomplished something that you may have not thought you could do. I want you to forget about those numbers and remember what makes you "bad-ass."

Write two letters. One to your past self, and one to your future self. What would you tell them to get them motivated? If it helps to get you started, write down 10 things that motivate you in life. Whether or not it’s fitness related, 10 things that you find get you going. Then ask yourself, “where are those things now?” How do you get them back in your life?

Think about whether or not you still want it, your original goals, and what you did and could do, what you are going to do to get there. What if there were no barriers to hold you back? What would the road to your goals look like? The idea behind it is really to ask yourself “what am I going to do to be the best I can?”

The letter to my future self is the much harder one to write. I mean, my past self I know. I’ve been there. In fact, it’s tapping in to that past self that I need to do in order to get that feeling back: what it felt like to lose weight in the first place, what it felt like to surprise myself, and what it felt like to believe in a goal of health (versus the vanity of trying to manipulate my body for looks). Fortunately, I’ve got a lot of writing – including the past year of the blog – to return to. And if I could go back into the past, well before starting this journey, I’d tell myself that it’s never too late to start. But whoo-boy would it ever be easier if I’d started earlier! It only gets harder the further you go. Which, in itself, is a good incentive for me to keep going. Climbing out of a backwards slide isn’t any easier than starting in the first place.

What Mat’s tapped into is the concept of writing your story. It’s more than just writing your goals. Creating a character of who you want to be, and examining you are, and who you were. Not unlike the practice of writing your eulogy as a way of goal setting – what do you want people to say about you when you die? Start with that, then figure out what you need to do now, in life, to get there – writing a letter to my future self is a reconnection with my story.

It’s well documented that expressive writing helps to process deep emotions. An article in Time reiterated the psychological benefits of putting paper to pen. “what is it about writing that calms the mind and helps us heal emotionally? There are no solid answers but there’s plenty of research showing the human mind needs meaning — a story to make sense of what has happened. Only then can it rest. Writing forces you to organize your thoughts into a coherent structure. It helps you make sense of life.”

A similar article popped up on a list of the best fitness articles of the week, last week. How To Take Charge of Your Motivation. Aside from some obvious advice, like write it down and choose one focussed (and honest) goal, the author writes “Friedrich Nietzsche said that he who has a strong enough why can bear any how. This is critical as you’ll undoubtedly encounter resistance and setbacks along the way to achieving anything worthwhile. If your why isn’t built on a solid foundation of personal meaning on an emotional level, it becomes far easier to abandon your goal whenever difficulties arise.”

At this point in time, I’ve lost sight of my original goals, which were probably pretty unrealistic to begin with. I’m working to tap back into the motivation that’s taken a vacation and to find my WHY.