The times, they are a changin.' Today was my last personal training session with Mat at the YMCA. 

He's moving on to a new adventure, taking that big risky step towards a dream, and will be independently coaching clients from his friend's new studio. It's strange: even though I will follow him to M.A.T. Fitness, (Motivation Activation Transformation) and continue training with him at Infinity, it still feels a little bit like an ending. Today we worked out at the Y. On Monday it will be at the studio. Big change. Or, at the least, things will never be quite the same again. 

Really, the changes that are happening around me are not happening TO me. The impact for me is minimal, compared to what Mat's other clients may feel, and what his Y friends and co-workers will experience. I am not losing a coach, or a friend. Training at the studio is going to be great in a lot of ways. Fewer people around means feeling less self conscious. Not competing with all the other members will mean having access to the equipment he plans for me to use, when he wants to use it. When I crack an inappropriate joke we can laugh our butts off without worrying who might be in earshot. I'm not giving up my YMCA membership, so I'll still go to classes, use the pool, and have the social connections that come with being part of a community. It's only the personal training location that is changing, and yet it's still pretty different from what we've been doing for the past two years.

We will all be readjusting in the next few weeks and months.

Change is not purely a good or bad thing, but any change can be hard. Unsettling. Mildly uncomfortable. I need the shake-up, and am ready for it. Mat has definitely been energized by it. Change is something we all need, every now and then. It's why vacations are important, to get away and have a change of scenery. It's why people move, or redecorate their homes. Whether it's a workout routine, the place you live, your job duties, or your workout - we all need some kind of shake-up in our lives at some point or we stagnate. I'm hoping that the new routine will be rejuvenating enough to kickstart my waning motivation. Still, all the change happening around me is making me a tad wistful and nostalgic. Because you can't move on to a new scene without stopping to look back and appreciate what you're saying goodbye to.

When I look back on the last two years at the Y, Mat is always in the picture. Despite having taken his class a few times, my first interaction with him was after having witnessed him break up a fight between two members, which happened right outside the spin studio window. I was impressed enough with how he handled that to tell him so. And then he ran Biggest Loser, and I got to see how he was with clients. He introduced me to strength training and the word "bad ass" entered my vocabulary. I think of all the people I met through both Biggest Loser challenges, through two summers of Outdoor Fitness Challenge, and as his assistant in Fitness Academy. I think about how much I have changed as a person, grown in ways beyond the physical strength and balance that I thought I was paying him for. I know that he touched and changed all of their lives, too. I see the members who never had him as a personal trainer but who connected with him as he wandered the floor of the conditioning centre and weight room, members who started to talk to me because I was his client and they watched what he made me do. 

They have been changed, because they knew him. 

There's a song from the musical Wicked, which makes me think of Mat every time I hear it. I have had many positive influences in my life, and this song could apply to several people, but it captures that unique relationship between coach and client so perfectly that I've tucked it away in my back pocket for that day when I finally quit personal training. The thing is, I don't know when that day will come. And now that I've worked with Mat for so long, it's impossible to conceive that "it may be that we will never meet again" even when it does. So, with this transition, it seemed like the right time to pull out the song and say thank you. On behalf of all the people whose lives he's touched, I think I can safely say "because I knew you, I have been changed for good."

Ever wondered just how far people will go in the quest for health? Last week, a friend semi-sheepishly announced that she had begun eating dirt. <pause for dramatic effect> Naturally, she was met with skepticism and questioning from the group. It turns out that she’s trying Diatomaceous Earth, taking a little bit every day – not too much! – and consuming a ton of water to help it down. I wasn’t clear on all the health benefits of it, though the more she explained what it was, the more I poked fun at her. Hard as diamonds? Used as an insecticide? It’s an abrasive filter? For gardening? “What, you’re taking Miracle Grow? Um, are any of your other friends concerned about this?”

Naturally, this was something I wanted to investigate further. Is it REALLY a miracle way to clean out your gut?

The health claims:

• Lowers bad cholesterol and blood pressure
  
• High in silica “which is crucial for the production of collagen which improves skin tone and the health of your joints and tendons – not to mention gorgeous hair and nails!”
  
• Detoxes your system to flush out viral, fungal and bacterial pathogens, heavy metals, yeast (Candida) and pesticide residues 
  
• Natural weight loss product
  
• Fights Osteoporosis, improving people’s arthritis and joint pain.
  
• Slows/repairs tissue degeneration
  
• Promotes World Peace (okay, not really; that smart-ass one's mine)

“FGDE is reported on many organic food Internet sites to regulate peristalsis (bowel movements), alleviate constipation, prevent diarrhea, thwart arthritis and purge the body of heavy metals. Although the material is generally nontoxic to humans, no scientific studies have been performed to conclusively support its safety or benefits.”

Its more common uses:

• Filters and filtration systems 
  
• Insecticides and pesticides 
  
• Toothpaste 
  
• Skin care products that exfoliate 
  

It is worth noting that Wikipedia, which tends to have way too much information on every subject, does NOT include human ingestion or health benefits in its long entry about the myriad uses for Diatomaceous Earth.

How does it work?
It’s an abrasive, used in toothpaste and skin exfoliation. If that’s what it is doing to your outsides, what is it doing to your insides when ingested? The same thing, actually. And that’s meant to be a good thing. “Diatomaceous earth acts as a mild abrasive topically as well as internally. It can help to remove intestinal invaders and other harmful organisms from the digestive tract. As an internal cleanser, diatomaceous earth may aid cleansing by supporting regularity and assist in removing toxic metals. Some studies have shown diatomaceous earth to be very successful in ridding animals of harmful organisms. Food-grade diatomaceous earth placed in the feed of livestock may help discourage fleas and other harmful bugs.”

Putting my research-ninja skills to work:
I checked the library’s databases. First, through our Health and Wellness related ones, and then our Science ones. Nothing in Consumer Health Complete (Ebsco). Most of what was found through Gale’s Health and Wellness database pertained to its use as a pesticide, or the effects on animals. On to the Internet and Google, then.

In searching for information on the benefits of taking DE, the evidence was overwhelmingly anecdotal and hard to find anything particularly clear. The main sources of information were from sites that sell the product. Specifically, Diatomaceous.org and Earthworks Health, both of which seem to ONLY sell Diatomaceous Earth. Larry Smith, president of Earthworks Health, seems to comment on each of the blogs or forums I found (again, which only include anecdotal evidence; no medical or scientific studies or proof). He's a one-man snake-oil salesman. Er, I mean, promotional machine.

I am always skeptical of taking information at face value when it’s from a source that stands to profit from it. But when that source seems to contradict itself? Huge red flag. On the Earthworks Health site, they claim that it helps with tissue degeneration, which “accelerates due to aging when connective tissue develops an increasing inability to retain moisture when left unassisted. Silica can help slow the degenerative process of connective tissue.” Except that by most accounts, even the anecdotal ones, a negative side effect of DE is dryness.  You have to hydrate, because drying you out is how it works. It’s also how it acts as an insecticide – it dries out the bugs’ exoskeleton.  

A second big red flag is the number of health claims that are covered. I mean, it detoxes and cleanses your insides, it exfoliates your outsides, and it does everything from prevent cancer to keeping your garden bug-free. That's ... excessive. Over the top. Hard too swallow.

The only documented medical benefit seems to be that it has the effect of lowering bad cholesterol. There is no evidence for the other claims. “In an April 1998 article published in the "European Journal of Medical Research," Austrian researchers studied DE's cholesterol lowering effects in humans having raised blood cholesterol levels. This study found that DE did have a beneficial effect in lowering bad cholesterol (low density lipoproteins and triglycerides) and increasing the good cholesterol (high density lipoprotein) after two months. However, this is the only study found in the medical literature at PubMed.gov describing the beneficial effects of DE in humans.”

There IS evidence that it can be harmful if inhaled. The filter (non-food) grade stuff requires the use of masks, and the food-grade earth is only considered “nuisance dust” if inhaled. That’s according to the World Health Organization, and Larry Smith. Still, something that can cause bronchial harm if inhaled makes me seriously question using it to detox the body or lower levels of candida or help prevent fleas in humans.

Beyond inhaling the filter-grade crystalized variation, there seems to be little evidence that it is harmful to humans or animals, so it has that going for it. Diatomaceous earth seems to be used as an inert additive, mostly in animal food. Testing that has been done has been to demonstrate that it does no harm, it has no adverse effect, when ingested. It’s used to keep food from clumping and clotting, frankly. That’s quite a far cry from having nutritional or health benefits. I can see how something that fills you up because it prevents absorption might lead to temporary weight loss. But, y’know, people soak cotton balls in orange juice and eat them for the same reason. <shudder>

It is also being researched as a way to administer drugs that actually HAVE an effect. You know those timed-release pills you can buy? They’re often made from synthetic silica based materials, and diatomaceous earth is a natural silica substance. But it is not being studied for its nutritional value. It’s the lack of absorption and its insolubility that make it an ideal drug delivery system. (Powder Technology.  June 2012 v223) Which is great for drug companies, but how effective is it for all the other health claims?

And what about the claim that it’s a health product because it is a source of silica? Silica is very common in nature and makes up 26% of the earth's crust by weight. Various forms of silica include sand, emerald, quartz, feldspar, mica, clay, asbestos, and glass. That’s from the National Pesticide Information Center. Now, granted, I’m not a science-y kind of person. I don’t have the background to understand the complexities of this. I find myself wondering "How important is silica, to the body and to health?" It seems that soil nutrient depletion from over-farming and modern farming methods have reduced the amount of silica in the soil, meaning that there’s less silica in plants and foods than there used to be. How significant is that, though? Silica is a biological compound that is found in most vital organs in the body, but are we seriously running so low on it that we have to eat it by the spoonful? Would the absorption of it, when ingested that way, even work the same? (This, to me, is the same kind of question as taking Vitamin D pills, when we typically get Vitamin D from exposure to the sun; the jury is still out on the efficacy of taking pill format). In checking what the Food and Drug Administration had to say about it, it would seem that the jury is out:
Silicon dioxide and various silicates occur abundantly in the earth's crust, are present in practically all natural waters, animals, and plants, and are part of the normal human diet. The question of whether or not silicon is an essential human nutrient remains unresolved. Silicon compounds consumed as added food ingredients contribute only a minor proportion of the total dietary silicon intake. The estimated possible human intake of sodium aluminosilicate, the predominant silicate added to foods in this country, is approximately 0.3mg per kg body weight per day. Silicon compounds that are GRAS for use as direct food ingredient, except potassium and sodium silicates, are insoluble or very slightly soluble in water and appear to be biologically inert.

The FDA is mainly concerned with the level of toxicity. They are satisfied that it’s safe enough for use in materials that come into contact with food, but they’re not exactly considering it for intended ingestion!

• There is no evidence in the available information on diatomaceous earth, silicon dioxides, sodium silicate, and talc that demonstrates or suggests reasonable grounds to suspect a hazard to the public when they are used as ingredients of paper and paperboard products used in food packaging in accordance with current practice.
  
• There is no evidence in the available information on diatomaceous earth and perlite that demonstrates or suggests reasonable ground to suspect a hazard to the public when they are used as filteraids in food processing at levels that are now current or that might reasonably be expected in the future.
  

So, that gives you an indication of the kinds of things DE is being used for.

I really don’t know about the value of this product. On sites that are not specifically selling and marketing it to humans, discussion of food-grade DE does not differentiate between humans and animals. Just because something is non-toxic or apparently not harmful for ingestion, doesn’t make it a good idea. 

And the claims seem so outrageous that it makes me wonder why or how anyone would want to try it unless they were at the very end of their rope. Which, frankly, many of the anecdotal sites indicate that people are. Desperate. Yet, miracle cures are often placebos. With so many other healthy alternatives – including eating whole foods and clean eating, as a way to more slowly detox your system – this is one fad that I can easily pass up.

Of course, now that I know that it won’t actually kill her, I’ll probably also continue to poke fun at my friend if she continues to eat diamond-dirt to clean out her innards.

Clearly, it’s been awhile since I’ve paid attention to the blog. Life finally slowed down after a chaotic summer and early fall, and as with many things, once you lose momentum it’s hard to pick it up and keep going again. I’ve lost some motivation, and while I can’t put my finger on one specific thing as the cause, I think it’s simply that it gets tiring making good choices day after day. I’ve changed a lot of habits, but not all; I’ve changed some patterns of thinking, but not all. And so I slip, one bite or sip at a time. The eating starts to get less healthy. As the pounds go back on, I feel bad about myself, and the desire to be exercising in public wanes. The days are getting shorter, the air is getting colder, and it all culminates in a loss of momentum and motivation. Even with the blog, the time and energy to sit and write is being eaten up by an overriding desire to sleep or read or rest. And most of the topics in the queue all require research. Research takes more time. Some of the writing I’ve been doing is actually journaling, personal and too private to share on the blog. That’s because it’s homework that Mat’s given me to try and kickstart the motivation. Sometimes the question being asked is way more important than the answers. So, as I work privately on writing my homework, I can at least share the assignment!

I want you to think about the why's of exercise and what it really means to you when you set goals. I want you to find ‘the will of fire’ (it’s what I like to call it). I want you to think back to that feeling when you have accomplished something that you may have not thought you could do. I want you to forget about those numbers and remember what makes you "bad-ass."

Write two letters. One to your past self, and one to your future self. What would you tell them to get them motivated? If it helps to get you started, write down 10 things that motivate you in life. Whether or not it’s fitness related, 10 things that you find get you going. Then ask yourself, “where are those things now?” How do you get them back in your life?

Think about whether or not you still want it, your original goals, and what you did and could do, what you are going to do to get there. What if there were no barriers to hold you back? What would the road to your goals look like? The idea behind it is really to ask yourself “what am I going to do to be the best I can?”

The letter to my future self is the much harder one to write. I mean, my past self I know. I’ve been there. In fact, it’s tapping in to that past self that I need to do in order to get that feeling back: what it felt like to lose weight in the first place, what it felt like to surprise myself, and what it felt like to believe in a goal of health (versus the vanity of trying to manipulate my body for looks). Fortunately, I’ve got a lot of writing – including the past year of the blog – to return to. And if I could go back into the past, well before starting this journey, I’d tell myself that it’s never too late to start. But whoo-boy would it ever be easier if I’d started earlier! It only gets harder the further you go. Which, in itself, is a good incentive for me to keep going. Climbing out of a backwards slide isn’t any easier than starting in the first place.

What Mat’s tapped into is the concept of writing your story. It’s more than just writing your goals. Creating a character of who you want to be, and examining you are, and who you were. Not unlike the practice of writing your eulogy as a way of goal setting – what do you want people to say about you when you die? Start with that, then figure out what you need to do now, in life, to get there – writing a letter to my future self is a reconnection with my story.

It’s well documented that expressive writing helps to process deep emotions. An article in Time reiterated the psychological benefits of putting paper to pen. “what is it about writing that calms the mind and helps us heal emotionally? There are no solid answers but there’s plenty of research showing the human mind needs meaning — a story to make sense of what has happened. Only then can it rest. Writing forces you to organize your thoughts into a coherent structure. It helps you make sense of life.”

A similar article popped up on a list of the best fitness articles of the week, last week. How To Take Charge of Your Motivation. Aside from some obvious advice, like write it down and choose one focussed (and honest) goal, the author writes “Friedrich Nietzsche said that he who has a strong enough why can bear any how. This is critical as you’ll undoubtedly encounter resistance and setbacks along the way to achieving anything worthwhile. If your why isn’t built on a solid foundation of personal meaning on an emotional level, it becomes far easier to abandon your goal whenever difficulties arise.”

At this point in time, I’ve lost sight of my original goals, which were probably pretty unrealistic to begin with. I’m working to tap back into the motivation that’s taken a vacation and to find my WHY.