In a last-ditch effort to solicit donations and reach the goal I set for fundraising for Megathon, I put together a totally cheesy (and marginally humiliating) video story board. Conversations with Batman, all about what it takes to be a hero. The pitch for donating, and for participating in Megathon is to be a hero for kids. I've had a lot of fun running with that theme, even getting a cape which travelled with me to New York City! (The cape was a freebie from Scholastic, a tie-in with Captain Underpants, and says "Reading gives you Superpowers.")

The thing of it is that I'm no hero. It's not because I'm not as strong as I pretend to be, or because I'm being too hard on myself. It's because I know my storytelling. Heroes are underdogs. They are the ones who've had to overcome adversity, who have had no advantages, who start out as regular people and get put into extraordinary circumstances. That's not me. I've been incredibly lucky in my life, with strong family, incredible friends, opportunities for travel and learning and growth, with positive role models and healthy examples. That I still struggled when it came to health and fitness is not because I had huge barriers to overcome.

I guess that's why I'm doing this. If most of us have a hard time being active, and we've had the opportunities, how much harder must it be for kids when money and access IS a real barrier?

I'm no hero. Or, if I am, then I am one of many. If a hero is simply someone who helps others, then I know an awful lot of heroes. I work with them. I hang out with them. I exercise with them. Heroes are everywhere.

Still. It's fun to pretend. It's fun to be silly. And it's fun to tell a story, even if it's to solicit donations to a worthy cause.

Been on a blog break the last few days, because I was in New York City. It was quite a whirlwind trip, and Saturday was one of the most perfect days I've ever had. In a nutshell? Started out with a walk in Central Park, mild and sunny for the first time in weeks. Then we walked along 5th Ave to Madison Ave, passing by the high-end fashion district and beelining it for a store more our speed: toys! At FAO Schwarz I made a custom Muppet Whatnot in their workshop (checking off a bucket-list dream item). Headed down to New York Public Library and caught a tour of the exhibit "The ABCs of it: why children's books matter," saw the Reading Room, and then took in some lunch by a fire in Bryant Park on an outdoor patio. Made it up to the Museum of Modern Art, with a quick stop at Rockefeller Center along the way, and the opportunity to see some great art up close and personal. (I went back to see Vincent Van Gogh's "Starry Night" three times, I liked it so much). We then walked back down to Times Square, just to feel the experience, and stopped at a few places along the way back to our hotel, to sample local cuisine and craft beers. It was a day where everything fell into place: culture, weather, timing, and travel companions.

I had three fantastic travel companions. Two were friends and co-workers, with similar interests (books and toys? yeah, we're proud nerds), similar tolerance levels for walking and when to stop, and positive attitudes that made for an enjoyable trip. The third companion was my bag of almonds. (See? Turning it back into a health/fitness blog). The thing about travel is that it's unpredictable. You don't always have control over when and where you get to eat. This is beyond the ability to make good choices. It's not like you can't find food on every street corner in New York. Literally. We walked around a city block trying to figure out from which cart the fragrant smell was coming from. We thought it was fried dough of some kind. Turns out, it was roasting nuts. But all that food, the assault on the senses, can make it hard to keep any kind of balance. Caloric or financial. It's also a fine balance between your wants and your needs, and the amount of energy your body requires to criss-cross midtown Manhattan a few times during the day. And who wants to spend all of their time eating when there is so much to see? It was the bag of almonds that saved me, a few times, from having a blood-sugar crash type of headache, or the energy to just keep going.

Actually, that bag came in far more handy the day before. As perfect as Saturday was, Friday was the opposite. It's the example of how life sometimes gets in the way of all your plans, and that there are days on which it really is not possible to get your exercise in or to maintain healthy eating. We left super early, because the weather was pretty bad and we weren't sure how the roads would be. So, I was up at 4:30 am, running on only a few hours of sleep from the two nights before. It was half-rain, half-ice out. As early as we were, it still took most of that time standing in line to get through all the security checkpoints and searches. Nothing makes me feel more like an animal, inhuman, than air travel. Our gate was at the farthest point of the terminal, in an old rickety wing that had only one restaurant option, not the multiple stores we had passed along the way. It was like a portable classroom version of an airport terminal. So, stopping and getting some breakfast/lunch before our flight, the food choice was pretty limited. Great Canadian Bagel. Okay. Bread it is, for the first time in a long while. The flight was only supposed to be an hour. We were going in to Newark, on the New Jersey side. I figured that I could last an hour, no problem, without food or water or needing a washroom. So a lot of the things I usually rely on to get me through a flight were in my carry-on, which was stored under the plane, not in the overhead bin. I only had my purse. Which became a problem when we taxied to the end of the runway for takeoff, were told we were going back, sat on the plane on the runway for another hour or so, taxied again for takeoff, were told again that PSYCH! we weren't able to take off, and this time we had to de-plane since we had been on the aircraft for too long at that point. But I had my almonds with me, so I didn't pass out.

The issue we were facing was that New Jersey, New York, and much of the eastern sea board were in heavy fog, and the airports were in a ground stop. Nothing was getting in or out. In Toronto, they had no idea when or whether a flight would be allowed to leave for Newark. Now, it was clearly frustrating and inconvenient for all the passengers. Our dilemma, though, was how short our trip was. If we couldn't get out some time on Friday night, there would be no point in going at all. The earliest flight they could re-book us for was Saturday at 3 pm. Um, yeah. The return flight on Sunday morning at 10 am? That would mean flying to New York basically just for dinner. Pretty pricey. As it was, I was starting to think that the 3 hour nap on the plane while waiting on the runway was about to be the most expensive sleep I'd ever had, given that our tickets were non-refundable, as was our hotel. (The price of getting last-minute deals, eh). We had no viable choices, so we just waited. Our plane was there, it wasn't officially cancelled like many of the other flights were, and we just had to hope for the fog to lift.

You know what? Attitude is everything. It's one of those things that you know, in your head, but it's hard to remember in the heat of the moment or in your heart. It's something that is reinforced over and over again when it comes to fitness and health. Patience and attitude. Nothing happens quickly in fitness, and nothing happens quickly in airports! A positive attitude is part of good physical and mental health. All around us, people were losing it. On each other, on the customer service reps. It was kind of a gong show. I was disappointed, of course. I was trying to stay positive and hopeful, but the reality was that I also had to allow myself to think through the scenario of "this trip may be cancelled." Because if I didn't, if I did not go through that process of "what if?" then I know I would have had a bad reaction to a worst-case scenario. There would have been tears. I don't play the "what if?" game to be negative. I play it so that I can work out solutions in advance. If A happens, then I can B or C or D. If X doesn't happen, what do I need to have in place for Y and Z to happen? My goal this year is to find balance, and this is one way that I do it. Don't skew too far on either end of the pendulum between positive and negative thinking. There was no point in getting angry. Nobody could control the weather. The attendants were just doing their job. A blind optimism, lacking any sense of reality, also doesn't help me. Just saying "it'll be fine, it'll work out" and not knowing how, is delusional. I appreciated that I was with people who walked that same middle ground. We admitted that it sucked, we were disappointed, and that we needed to know our options. We also didn't get mad, didn't get rude, and tried to remain as hopeful and positive as possible. While having a beer.

In the end, it was while sitting and having a pint that things worked themselves out. We just had to be patient. Some people from our flight, who we'd chatted to in line because they were not on their phones yelling at people or trying to get new seats immediately, passed us and said "are you going to Newark? They just announced it, the flight is leaving!" We got on the plane, and the third time was the charm. (After another brief delay, which had me giggling at the absurdity of it all. Sometimes, all you can do is laugh). We got in to New York City, about 8 hours later than planned, having missed the show for which we had tickets, but we were there. Trying to look on the bright side, I figured that at least ALL we lost were those theatre tickets. (And the chance to see Sir Patrick Stewart and Sir Ian McKellen performing together, but I digress. Let it go, let it go, let it go). I could have lost all of that money, and the experience on top of it. Instead, I got one perfect day in New York City.

You know, the main reason we went to New York was to visit the library, and the exhibit. Outside of the library are two stone lion statues, named Patience and Fortitude. I thought I was going to NYC to see Patience, to see Fortitude. Rather, I re-learned and I practiced my own patience and fortitude. Now that's an education and experience worth having.

Other lessons learned on the trip (applicable to life, and fitness/health in general):

Plan ahead. Be prepared. Part of maintaining balance is planning ahead, and being prepared for various contingencies ... without overpacking and trying to be prepared for every possibility. Oh, and wear sensible shoes if you're going to walk a lot.

Flexibility matters. You gotta go with the flow. Same with balance. Balance is about knowing when to walk and when to take a cab. Balance is about having the drive to keep momentum going so you make the most of the time you have, and also the restraint to know when to pause for a break.

Sleep is important. We started out tired, and the mental toll that the false starts and the lack of answers took was probably harder than it needed to be. Also, when we finally got in on Friday night, it would have been easy to say "let's get stupid to make up for the time we missed!" By being a little bit mature, and going back to the hotel instead of to Times Square, I think we had a much, much better Saturday. Sleep solved a lot of Friday's problems, and prevented a world of hurt on Saturday.

Have a strong circle of influence. I have a lot of great friends. I happened to be travelling with two wonderful people who had similar interests and personal thresholds for things. We worked well together. And part of that working well was finding balance. You know you're travelling with the right influences when they say "I feel like I need some fruit, we should find a grocery store" and "hey! there's a cheesecake shop. Whaddaya say? Cheesecake for breakfast?" and no discussion is needed, you all just turn and head in. Balance.

Patience and Fortitude. Sometimes, you won't have the answer and you won't have control. Be patient. If you are prepared, if you are flexible, and if you keep your wits about you - if you maintain an inner fortitude - then things will
often sort themselves out on their own. You just have to wait and let them. Without patience, we may have cancelled the trip altogether, and lost out on a great memory.

Keep it simple. The simple things in life are the most rewarding. Central Park was one of the best parts of my day, and it was so simple. The sun was shining, we were walking, I was surrounded by nature. It was free. It was active. And the people enjoying it were using it, not just watching it. Walking, running, biking, skating. Even if you feel like you're only observing, you still have to be in it to be part of it.

Seek adventures. They don't just happen. One friend said, "this is so unlike you." Actually, it isn't. I love to travel. I would do this kind of thing all the time if I had the time and money. And therein lies the problem: there is never enough time, and never enough money. I had to make it happen. Someone said, "let's go" and I said "okay" instead of the more common response of "no, can't." Before you say "can't" ask yourself if you can make it happen. Stepping away from work, from the perpetual to-do list, from the daily grind, it's the only way to have an adventure like this.

Have child-like fun. Stay young. Be silly. Okay, it may be my personality, but the best parts of my day were the ones which had to do with childhood. The toy store. Making and buying a Muppet. Children's books, coming to life. Even Central Park and all the associations of fun and silliness. I, um, I also had a cape in my purse which made an appearance in a few pictures. If you can't get away with that kind of silliness in New York City, where CAN you? We laughed a lot, and it made the whole trip so much better.

Look for beauty. Some things have to be appreciated in the moment. In fitness, you do a lot of delaying gratification (don't eat that now, so you don't regret it later), and you have to work hard for future payoffs. I learn the most from reflecting and ruminating. Yet, I went back to Starry Night three times. It had to be felt. I had to pause, stand there, feel the painting, get close to see the thickness of the strokes. It's not something I can get back just by looking at photos or thinking about. Van Gogh was a tortured soul, and still he saw beauty everywhere. No matter what happens, look for the beauty around you. If you look, you'll find it.

I found out tonight that Outdoor Fitness Challenge, or something similar, will be back again this spring and summer. Given the brutal and seemingly eternal winter we've been having, this seemed like as good a time as any to look back on those summer mornings spent in the parking lot of the YMCA.

Flipping tires.
Flicking battle ropes.
Carrying sandbags.
Pulling fire hoses while planking.

Feelin' Bad.Ass.

Running around the picnic shelter, over and under picnic tables, grabbing and chucking tennis balls in the grass, doing pushups off of tires, running ladder drills, hill sprints, and holding squats. Basically, doing whatever Mat felt like making us do. It was small group training at its best, and I loved it.

What worked for me was not just the size of the group, or the activities themselves. Don't get me wrong: they were hard, they were fun, and they were something completely new and foreign to me. The thing that worked FOR ME was that it was outside. We only had a few days of extreme heat - which often included freezies at the end! - and it was not a particularly humid summer. In fact, some of the very early mornings were a bit chilly. It felt ... well, it felt a lot like summer camp. Like getting up early, when the mist was still rising on the lake, heading down for morning dip. That's the feeling I got when I pulled into the parking lot for those early mornings. There was a bond, a comeraderie with the others in the group, the ones who'd dragged their butts out of bed to be there with you.

I spent some part of every summer between the ages of 8 and 30 at summer camp. It's in my blood. You bet your butt I loved the Outdoor Fitness Challenge. And I was pretty wistful and nostalgic when it was over.

I didn't fall in love with it at first, though. After two rounds of "Biggest Loser" (another small-group program), I was more confident, but I still had a moment when I emailed Mat and said, "um, are you SURE that I can do this? It's not going to be too much for me?" His reply? "Don't worry. I'll bring out your inner Ninja." Not exactly the reassurance I was looking for.

Sure enough, after the first day, I thought I was gonna die. Smashing battle ropes against the pavement for a few minutes burned out my arms out in a way I hadn't felt before! I think I said afterwards, "man, I thought I was in shape. I guess not." But this was simply a whole new level. And I was starting over from the bottom. By the time the 8 weeks had come and gone, I was no longer as intimidated by the kinds of things Mat threw at us. It was always still hard - or as hard as you wanted to make it - but I didn't feel like the Tin Man for days afterwards.

I have to remind myself that this is what I signed up for, with the Badass Dash. Those obstacles on the course will make a tractor tire and fire hose seem like a Fruit Loop and shoelace. But the training? The training for the race will be where the community happens, where nature and fitness come together once again. I hope that this year's training days and times will work into my schedule as beautifully as they did last year.

Now we just need the snow to melt and the sun to come out, already, so things can warm up.
Or the sun beating down on the pavement will remain a distant memory.


* I should note that this really WAS a group training, even though all the pictures are of me. I just didn't want to post photos of people who haven't given their permission. I wasn't the only one crazy enough to show up at the crack of dawn to get my butt handed to me. Honest.

People have asked me how I like my FitBit, now that I've had it for awhile. I don't love-love-love it the way I see a lot of people gush online about theirs, but I like it well enough. I have the smaller, cheaper, FitBit Flex. If you have, or are thinking of getting, the FitBit Force, you may want to reconsider.

There have been issues of a rash developing from the Force, almost like a burn, which is not easily treated. I've seen the story posted on Facebook, and while I don't always give credence to these kinds of reports, the fact that it's happened to people I know in real life gives me pause (only one degree of separation makes it more real).

Aside from possible burns and rashes, the main issue I have with the Flex is that it doesn't track movement as accurately as I would like. Or, in the manner that I would like. It's really just a glorified pedometer. Which means when I'm spinning (cycling), swimming, or doing other workouts which don't have long strides, it doesn't register the movement very much. I would count my "active minutes" as when I get my heart rate up, but FitBit counts them as ... I don't know ... how much my arms move? I have found myself doing walking laps around the track lately, just to get my steps in for a side challenge we're doing (aiming for 10,000 a day), and while I'm hitting the step goal, I don't know that it's any better for me than if I were doing something more intense with less movement. Well, okay, I know it's not.

However, I love the sleep tracking feature, and the alarm. When that thing starts to vibrate, you get up. It doesn't let you tap it and keep snoozing! It only stops when it registers you moving enough to be getting out of bed. And when you reach your goal, it lights up like the 4th of July. Sometimes that startles me, when it starts vibrating wildly, but it's nice. It's like your own personal cheerleader.

The interface on both the app and the online site are great. Very easy to use, to read, and to add to it. I find that tracking my water intake as I go, through the day, is much easier now. I just quickly enter it into my phone. I haven't developed the habit of using My Fitness Pal to log my food, so I haven't made use of the fact that the two products sync up. Which also means that the FitBit telling me how many calories I've burned can't possibly be accurate.

At any rate, I will continue to use it. Would I buy it again? I'm not sure. I doubt I would bother with a regular pedometer, since I think they all have the same issue: they count steps and it depends on how it is reading your motion, which depends on where and how you wear it. If you're just getting started in fitness and you need the motivation to walk, or the reminder to move more, then I can see the value. Once you're already doing those things, I feel like a heart rate monitor would be more effective. That, or I just expect too much from a device like this. I want it to measure everything. I want it to know my REM sleep, my heart rate, exactly what I've eaten without me logging it manually, how much I weigh ... basically, I want it to be magic.

This article came out in the Globe and Mail around New Year's, at the same time as dozens of other resolution-based "tips for getting healthy" pieces. What I like about it is that the advice is fresh, it's not the same tired old tips to try, half of which are usually bogus anyway. And this one is not all based around "good food and bad food." They asked 15 experts to say one thing that Canadians can do to be healthier this year.

The very first one? Eat a pickle! Well, okay, any fermented food. But I happen to love dill pickles, so I'll happily crunch away on my Strubbs while summarizing the 15 things you could do in order to optimize your health. You know, in case reading the original article seems like too much work.

15 things you could do to be healthier:

1) Eat fermented foods (pickles, kimchee, sauerkraut, etc.). It's good for your gut.

2) Don't drink your calories. [I fully agree. It worked for me, making the switch to mainly water and tea.]

3) Relax your mouth. Unclench your jaw.

4) Go for a walk. "It reduces heart disease by 60 per cent, cancer by 27 per cent, Alzheimer’s by 50 per cent and arthritis by 47 per cent. It’s now our best treatment for fatigue and low back pain. It cures a third of erectile dysfunction, and cuts anxiety and depression by 48 per cent. People even lose weight on this method..."

5) Put down the device. "Make a designated cellphone- and screen-free time every evening. That means for 30 minutes absolutely no phones, tablets or TVs are allowed to be on."

6) Stop doing situps. [For real! This is in there! Everyone can do THIS one right away! Well, except, you still need to strengthen your core ... just not by doing the traditional situp. The doula and pelvic-floor expert explains why.] "Stomach crunches shorten your torso, round your shoulders and encourage forward head posture, which you certainly don’t need more of in your life with all the hunched-over sitting you do each day. Crunches also put downward pressure on the pelvic floor, which is never good news and they will never flatten your tummy."

7) Get a good night's sleep. Well, duh.

8) Wake up at the same time every day.

9) Eat your food slowly. When you eat mindfully, you appreciate it more, but you also feel full with a reasonable amount, because it takes at least 20 minutes for your brain to register that you've eaten. Oh, and don't forget to chew!

10) Breathe. "Slowing down to six breaths per minute for seven minutes is enough to calm the nerves and allow our bodies to physically recover."

11) Clean out your kitchen. Get rid of processed foods, and follow the concept that if you don't bring it in, you won't eat it.

12) Move every day for at least 15 minutes. "Move regularly and you’ll think, sleep, work, play and even love better. Move every day for as little as 15 minutes and the rewards are even greater. How great? How’s reducing your risk of some types of cancer by up to 50 per cent? So swim, walk, run, shovel snow, do yoga, play golf, it doesn’t matter what it is as long as it gets you moving." [Hey, that sounds a lot like our 55 Day Challenge!]

13) Wear a helmet. [I love that this was included, even though it may not apply to everyone. But if you do any sport where you can potentially fall, for goodness' sake, protect your head. I wrote about my dad's ski accident and my sister's rock climbing accident. In both cases, their lives were saved because they had helmets on. It's a no-brainer ... bad pun fully intended.]

14) Invest in yourself. Make health a priority, and make the time for it.

15) Get outside. Real sunlight, and nature, have a positive impact on mental health, as well as physical.


Huh. Who knew getting healthy could be so easy? All kidding aside, these are pretty manageable changes to make if you're not already doing them. Pick one, and try it. Over the course of the year, add a few more to the list of habits. They may not all be do-able, or enjoyable. Do what you can.

But, for the love of Pete, WEAR A HELMET!

Actual conversation with a co-worker yesterday:
<I walk in on the middle of a conversation about push-ups>
Her: "I can't do a push-up."
Me: <butting in> "Can't? Or won't try?"
Her: "No, I can't. Women can't do push-ups."
Me: "You're kidding, right?"
Her: "No. I hate them."
Me: "Okay, but that doesn't mean women can't DO them."
Her: "There are studies! It's unnatural for females. We have a different centre of gravity. It's physics."
Me: <deep breath, using all the restraint I have> "So, you've never seen a woman do a push-up?"
Her: "Well, apparently Michelle Obama and Ellen deGeneres can do them, but that's because they're shaped like men."
Me: "Explain." <not letting her off the hook>
Her: "If you have any kind of butt that sticks out, or boobs, if you're shaped like a woman, then it's too hard. Physics."
Me: "I'm pretty sure it's about the strength in your chest and arm muscles, and having a strong core."
Her: "I don't think they're that good for you, anyway."
Em: <chimes in> "Are you kidding? They work your arms, your chest, your legs, your back. They're awesome!"
<She's right; they're one of the best bodyweight exercises you can do. Especially when you do them right.>
Her: "Well, if women can do them, then why do they even HAVE women's push-ups? You're supposed to do them from your knees."
[No. No, you're not. It's a regression, an adaptation, and not a very effective one. You start from your knees so that you can build up to other variations, whether you're a guy or a girl.]
Me: <facepalm>
Her: "Okay, but wouldn't you agree that they're easier for men to do?"
Me: "How am I supposed to measure that? It probably depends on the man."

I look around. It's a Saturday. Not many people are in our office area. I look to the co-worker with whom the conversation started, who's been listening, who happens to do kickboxing. She also happens to be wearing a dress, and I'm in a frilly blouse. My mind weighs the pros and cons. I raise my eyebrows. "Emily? You wanna join me?"

Tell me again that women can only do push-ups from our knees. Puh-leeze.

I've read about some of these arguments before. And perhaps she's right that it's harder for women to condition themselves to be able to do full-on pushups, especially right away. They require upper body strength, and men often have more muscle and strength in the chest. (20% more, not gazillions). Push-ups also require a stronger core for women, to compensate for the extra weight in the lower body (that butt argument she was trying to make). I just can't quite believe that the conversation happened. That, in this day and age, anyone would seriously try to argue that women - an entire gender - can't do something when there's proof everywhere that with practice, we absolutely can.

I called her on what she was really saying. I said, "I can accept that you don't like them, that you don't want to do them, and even that you will never, ever try one again. But don't throw all women under that bus. Just admit that it's your CHOICE, not your ability." Now, when she says "I can't do a pushup" she quickly amends it to "Well, I don't want to."

Still. She must have got the idea from somewhere. This is a smart lady. Well read. And yet she vehemently argued that women were not able to do full pushups. Why?

Because she needed the excuse. Even by the end, she admitted that she just hates pushups, and feels weak for not being able to do one. It's a lot easier to blame science than to say "I can't do it." Guess what? I used to not be able to do them, either. It wasn't because I was a girl. It probably wasn't even because I was fat. It was because I didn't practice.

I gave myself a lot of excuses for not doing things at different sizes. Being a girl was never, ever one of them. In fact, had this conversation happened a hundred pounds ago, I would still have called her on it. I'd have got my feminist back up against the wall. I just would have had to look up videos for proof, and articles combating her flawed reasoning, instead of being able to show her myself. The thing is, there's a danger in perpetuating these gender-based lies, even if it makes you feel better about yourself.

The push-up looks impressive, and is often tied to pride and ego. That can make it easy to dismiss as an exercise. Granted, as a measurement tool for overall fitness, it can't stand alone (and it often does, in fitness tests for military or police training). If the push-up is being used as a party trick to show off, then sure - dismiss it. It's so much more than that, though. The functional fitness that comes from building the strength to do push-ups applies to women, just as much as men. Having a strong core? Not just about sexy abs. When your core is strong, daily movements are easier, and you reduce your risk of injury. That's kind of a big deal for women. You can carry that heavy load of laundry, lift a kid over a snow bank, shovel your driveway, carry boxes up and down stairs, and bring all your groceries in from the car in just one trip. Strength training helps reduce the risk of osteoporosis, which affects women at a much higher rate than men. And for the aging population, when balance and falling become a tad more common, the ability to catch yourself and break a fall with your arms and wrists can not be over stated. Practicing push-ups is preventative medicine.

Tell me again why push-ups aren't useful for women?

It comes down to gender stereotypes, which is why I'm more worked up about this than if it were simply an argument about which form of exercise is more enjoyable or what burns more calories.

It comes back to the idea that women's fitness focus should be on weight loss, on getting skinny, because that's the feminine ideal. Be thin, not strong. It's an insidious message that carries with it decades of misogyny: women are weak, women need to be pleasing to look at, women should subjugate themselves to men. If the push-up is about strength and power, and you believe that women can't do push-ups, what are you really saying?

Hearing a smart woman who's interested in health say "women can't do push-ups" and mean it, even a little, was not a personal physical challenge to me. It was an affront to my gender identity.

It's not a good idea to tell me I can't do something.
It's really, really, really not a good idea to tell me I can't do it because I'm a woman.
Lesson learned.

My friend Paul is a runner. He's also someone I admire for the way fitness has impacted his life. The way he writes about running in Facebook posts, or talks about it in person, it makes me wish I could run. (Stupid knees. Stupid impact hurting stupid knees). It makes me understand the quotes about needing to run, even if it's not a need I've ever felt. There's a quiet passion in it for him which makes me appreciate that it's a mental game, far more than it is just about endurance, speed, or skill alone. For me, strength training has changed the trajectory of my life. For him, as with many others to whom I look for inspiration, it was running.

His submission to Runstreet.com about his love for running won him some gear. (Yay, free stuff!) He, and Marnie-who-runs-Runstreet, said I could share the story here. 'Cuz, y'know, runners are pretty awesome:

Finding Strength in the Run
(by Paul Preston)

I think my love for running started when I went to the Disney Marathon in 2006, to cheer a buddy on. I hadn’t started running at this point, so was there for support. Before the marathon there was a video screen with runners being interviewed by one of the perky Disney channel TV personalities. Runners were asked by the interviewer what inspired them to run.

Lots of runners were running for loved ones lost to cancer, heart disease, etc. Some mentioned that they beat cancer, obesity and drug addiction.

The one that did it for me was a returning vet from Iraq who lost a leg to a road side bomb. He was running for those that came back. So something clicked. If they can overcome their pain, via running, then it should do wonders for me.

And the rest is running history. 

Betcha thought I was going to talk about heart health, huh? Pfffft. Cardio is so cliche on V-day. What can I say? For me, Valentine's means crap. So today, we talk poo.

Despite the dark single-girl humour of choosing to talk about excrement on the day of luuuurve, it’s actually a pretty important topic. Gross, but important. Fibre’s necessary to keep your insides clean and moving. Forget cleanses. (For real. They're usually bad news). Fibre fibre fibre fibre fibre. And water.

In tracking nutrition, as one is wont to do when trying to lose weight AND when working with a coach who demands to see what you're eating, the focus tends to be on the macronutrients: fat, carbohydrates, sugar. Micronutrients are listed on labels, too, but I don't often think consciously about fibre. Numbers are attached to carbs and the other macros: how much should you eat in a day, what percentage of your daily intake, etc. But fibre? I don't know about specific numbers, like how many grams of fibre to eat per day. The range is anywhere from 12-35 grams - that's pretty broad. So, why don't we talk more about tracking those numbers? 

Basically, because you don't need to. If you REALLY want to know all there is to know about fibre, Dr. John Berardi goes into extreme scientific detail. For the general healthy person all you need to know is: are you pooping enough? Are you regular, dear? I don't put a lot of stock in Dr. Oz, generally speaking, but at least he's willing to talk stool. And what he recommends for healthy bowel movements is the s-shaped poop. Ewwwww. I am NOT looking for a graphic for that one. Use your imagination.

Or watch his poop primer. And compare your colour, shape and sound. (I'm not even kidding).

And where might you get your fibre? It's everywhere, but especially in natural foods. Fruits, vegetables, grains, beans. Hmmmm. How about that? Natural foods. Eat what nature provides, and you'll be pretty regular. Eat processed crap and, well, your crap will be quite a process.

Eat your fibre, kids. It'll make you feel good ... whether you have someone special on Valentine's day or not.

I’m sticking with the motivation theme that seems to have emerged this week. I guess it's appropriate, since we'll be talking about it in Fitness Academy. I keep waffling back and forth between writing about a competitive spirit as motivator, and about self-affirmation as a technique. And then I realized that the two have something in common: confidence. Belief in the self.

Actual conversation last night:
Fitness Coach Mat: "I want you to blog about this."
Me: <panting, out of breath, carrying a sandbag> "What? About this workout you came up with, on training like an Olympian?"
Mat: "Yeah. I like to see my name. Use it a lot. I want it out there."
Me: <rolls my eyes so hard they almost fall out of my head> "You just read the blog to see if I mention you?"
Mat: "Pretty much."

Cocky little bugger, isn't he?

He's the same dude who said nonchalantly awhile ago, "I think I'm sick because I'm so full of awesome it's leaking out of me." And then he sneezed. 

Where does that kind of confidence come from? It’s easy enough to say that you just have to believe in yourself, but the basis for it must come from something concrete, like skill and ability. Or does it? This feels like a chicken and egg thing: do you grow your ego because you’re just naturally awesome, or do you become awesome by believing you are? 

Belief is the key, here. I used to say that I was not a competitive person, that I didn’t care about winning or losing. What I really meant was that I wasn’t competitive when it came to sports, because I knew I couldn’t win. I wasn’t any good. Had I really been honest, I’d have realized long ago that I am an extremely competitive person. It’s just that my focus was on being the best in areas that I was confident I could easily excel in, like academics. Aim for the highest mark on a test, aim to win a debate, aim to be accepted on selective committees, aim to raise the most money. (Ahem: shameless Megathon plug for donations!). I downplayed any sense of competition in areas that I wasn’t confident I could do well in immediately, without practice. 

But each of the times that I have pushed myself the hardest this year, each time I broke through a barrier to realize I could do more than I ever let myself imagine, it was because of competition. It doesn’t matter whether it’s who lost the most in Biggest Loser (the small group  training, not the tv show), or who could hold a plank the longest, or whether I could push a tire over on someone stronger than me. If there’s a chance to win, to earn pride points, I’m in. Prizes are irrelevant. I wanna be the best. So I push. And that has translated into competing against myself, too. Can I do better than last time? 

Which brings me back to last night’s workout. Mat has figured this out about me: give me a challenge, and I’ll work harder. So, we did 4 rounds of 6 exercises, each of which was to represent an Olympic sport. Running with the Olympic theme, the goal was to beat my own time. First round established the base line. 8 minutes. Next round? Can I do better? Yup. 7 minutes. Next round? I was tired. I was wearing a 10 lb weighted vest. I was sweaty. The hour seemed to be dragging on. Muscles were burning and I was breathing hard. Self-doubt kicked in. Somewhere in my head I thought “whatever, it’s just a game.” Mat asked “where’s that competitive athlete spirit?” and I replied,“I think the athlete has left the building.” 7:40 minutes. Ouch. But I knew the next round was the last one. I knew I didn’t have to save my energy for anything else. “Come on, go for the Gold. I’ll sing O Canada if you win,” he said. So on the fourth round, I gave it all I had. And I did it in 6:30. 

Mat owes me a rendition of O Canada. 

Competition gives me a reason to try, a reason to bring the intensity. That’s pretty motivating, because the more effort I put in, the more results I see, which builds more confidence. And the more confident I become, the easier it is to start to believe in myself, which in turn provides more motivation to draw upon. 

And yet I still tend to downplay my accomplishments, as so many women do. Another anecdote from last night happened in the spin class I took before the personal training. Girl wears a t-shirt from a 10 km race she’d run. Instructor asks: “Did you run 10 K?” Girl replies, “welllll … it was awhile ago … not anything recent …” and the instructor stops her and asks again. Yes. Yes, she has run 10 K in her lifetime. Why do we deny and downplay? It’s not humility. Give me a compliment and instead of saying “thank you” I’ll give you all the reasons why it doesn’t really count. 

Guys don’t tend to do this as much. (Yes, that’s a generalization. Roll with me, here). I don’t keep bringing up Mat just because he likes seeing his name. (Mat Mat Mat Mat Mat. You’re welcome). It’s because he embodies what I see in a lot of male friends and relatives: a belief that he can do anything, and do it well. It’s not an attitude I see in many of my female relationships.   

Apparently that’s not just coincidence. Brain research shows that the hormone fluctuations that women experience once a month “make a woman more sensitive to emotional nuance, such as disapproval or rejection. The way you interpret feedback from other people can depend on where you are in your cycle.” Hmmm. Well. That’ll be important to remember the next time I hit a wall. And it explains a little bit about why women exhibit more self-esteem issues than men. (Again. Generalization acknowledged). 

So, what’s the solution? Men and women may motivate ourselves differently, but we still have to work at building confidence and believing in ourselves. Understanding how our brains are working against us gives us the tools to fight the negative voices, not a free pass to give up and give in to them.

I’ll let you in on one of Mat’s secrets. He talks to himself in the mirror and tells himself how awesome he is. I laughed when he let that tidbit slip, because all I could picture was Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live:

But Mat’s no dummy. Self-actualization works. I think you have to give it time, because if you don’t initially believe what you’re saying, it sounds like a load of cheesy crap. The more times you tell yourself something positive, the easier it becomes to believe it. When I’ve tried it half-heartedly, I have felt silly and stupid, like I was lying to myself. That’s probably an indication of how badly I needed to continue saying nice things out loud, but I didn’t. 

However, what’s been happening these last two years as I’ve changed my body, slowly, is that I’ve also been changing my brain chemistry. Whether it’s through self-actualization techniques, through competing and winning, or better –competing and losing! – there’s undoubtedly been growth and change in my thinking patterns. The confidence built each time I can do one more pushup than the day before translates into overall confidence. 

What better motivation is there than believing in your self?

How do you stay motivated? The last few posts have been about de-motivation. About how hard it is to make the choices every day that keep you going. So, what works?

A full arsenal. You kind of have to arm yourself with as many tools as you can. Ultimately, the determination and habit and effort come from within. Motivation is often external. That's okay! There are some days when I get to the gym hours later than I had originally planned. I don't want to go. I'm not feeling it. I have to psych myself up. I'm learning to get that psych from within myself, to change the voice in my head (and training her to be nicer, not so abusive). Some days, I need an outside voice.

Motivational Quotes
I used to collect these on cue cards, back in my camp days before the Internet. "Thought for the Day" was part of the cabin routine, and let's face it: summer camp is all about the cheesy feel-good motivational feelings. Man, the World Wide Web has made it so much easier to find those quotes! They are everywhere on social media: Pinterest, Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr. Heck, you can just use Google Images to find a lot of great ones. Read as many as you need to, until those are the words in your head. Eventually, you will come to believe them. I surround myself with them: they are on my phone, they are my screensavers and desktops. I have an album on Facebook that I can flip through when I need to. I've even put a bunch of my favourites in their own page on this website.

Music
While the motivational quotes are all about the visual, music fills your ears and your head. It can drown out the voice of negativity, with the words and the beat. The best workout songs are the ones with the fast pace AND the motivational, encouraging words. But there are so many songs which are about hope, perseverance, and life lessons that it's not a bad idea to make a playlist for the car, for your iPod or MP3 player, for your computer at work or at home, and plug in whenever you need to. Whether it's while you're active and working out, or whether it's just to get you out the door, music is a huge motivator. (Some of my favourite songs that really pump me up are here).

Friends and Community
There's nothing better for motivation than someone else saying, "let's go!" and "you can do it." The caveat here is that you have to ask for it (or, if you're trying to be their motivation, make sure they actually want it). There have been plenty of recent studies around using shame as a motivator - very common practice when it comes to obesity and weight loss - and if you're trying to impose a desire onto someone else, it is likely to backfire. But when the person wants it, needs support, and has asked for it, then a friend is just about the best thing there is. One of the most amazing things to have happened with the 55 Day Challenge is how people that I know, but who have never met, are encouraging and congratulating each other for their accomplishments. I've had people reach out and say "I'm having a really bad eating day. Help!" and I've done that to others, too. There's a solidarity in understanding the journey, even though we all have to walk our own path. It's more than having someone to work out with, or to share tips and recipes with, it's having people to talk to. This is, after all, an emotional journey for most of us.

Find friends who have similar health and fitness interests. Increase your circle of influence. Go online to find communities if your real life circle isn't wide enough. There are tons out there, from "fitblrs" on Tumblr, to the boards on My Fitness Pal, to Weight Watcher meetings in person.

Rewards and Celebrations
Speaking of Weight Watchers, one of the most positive aspects of my brief membership with them (about 10 years ago), was the rewards. You literally got a gold star for every 5 lbs you lost, and a ribbon for every 10 lbs. And then you'd sit at the AA-style meeting and they'd ask people to share their successes. You know what? I defy anyone to stand up, say "I lost 2.2 lbs this week!" and not feel a little glow when the room bursts out in applause and cheering. Celebrating the small milestones along the way helps tremendously in keeping the motivation going. For a journey that is based on baby steps and one-day-at-a-time, it's the only way to keep any kind of momentum.

Stories
While friends and communities are active support systems, it's great to use the passive ones, too. When you start looking, there are quite a lot of success stories to be found. In fact, I was hesitant to start this blog because I felt that there are so many out there already, why bother adding one more voice? But I got a message from someone, a friend of a friend, who said "thanks for sharing your journey. I need to lose 140 lbs or so. Before your share all I found were people who were 5, 10 maybe 15 pounds over weight and I felt hopeless and alone. If losing 10 lbs was the biggest challenge of their life ,what hope did I have? After reading your story I realize I need to focus on me and me only and that there is hope." And I realized that perhaps I am aware of how many blogs, Facebook pages, articles and sites there are with regular people who've had long-term, healthy success. But I've spent a lot of time looking. Maybe they're not as obvious or ubiquitous as I thought. They ARE out there, though, if you look.

You can find motivation in a lot of places, but you have to be looking for it. It's temporary and fleeting, so you are constantly replenishing your tank. What I found, especially when I hit the wall HARD, was that a lot of the tools that worked the first time around, were less effective after a few years of use. All those quotes? Seen 'em. There's not many I haven't come across. I've been a bit desensitized to the message. So I'm always looking. I'm always talking. These days, I'm always writing.

Whatever it takes, whatever works for you, do it.
Just as long as it keeps you going.